shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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