Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
birth control should be required to get into college
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
