Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
