glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
