her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
