I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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