Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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