U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
