You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
