First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
