just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
