i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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