Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Randomize
