Screwed.edu
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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