My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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