she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
