I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
