how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
