Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
