i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
