My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
