just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
