were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
