sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
