There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
