Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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