I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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