How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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