im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
