Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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