i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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