well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
