So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
