I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
