I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
