At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
