If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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