quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
