I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
