She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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