called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
