found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
