Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
