I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
