Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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