if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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