right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
