Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
