Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
