he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
