I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
