and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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