Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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