Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
